So, I asked my two close friends (who are both female, Chinese and single) and they both said that it's pretty unusual to bring up marriage that soon. They said it takes a bit of time and getting to know each other before marriage is brought into the mix. Definitely not something talked about on the first or second date! So the only reason they can come up with (assuming he's not that abnormal which doesn't seem that way), is that it's because you're a foreigner. They told me that it's very "in" to date a foreigner-they like the idea of marrying a foreigner, so he's prob just afraid of losing you. If you were a Chinese girl, he would not have brought up marriage that quickly. (unless he's different than most...)

HA! @Diathi

Okay, so I like too you're guys' advice and in a nice way, I brought up the subject, I was like, no really I am a foreigner, what's the deal and why are you like asking me to marry you, right? And it was really funny, he tried to like shrug it off, and I was like no really though, and he was like, okay, my mom wants me to get married this year. I was like HA! I knew it had to be something like that.

Haha, his Mom wants him to get married this year despite that fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend?! Funny!!

Relationships are difficult enough without the massive cultural and geographical differences/distances.

My ex wanted to get married. She was about 28 and under great pressure from her family to get married and start a family. I knew she wasn't 'the one' so I had to end it after a few months of dating. I was very upfront with her from the beginning that we were not going to be getting married, but I think she kept hoping until we broke up.

A few months later I met my current gf who I think is 'the one'. She has more siblings, which I guess reduces the pressure from her parents to marry. She is 34 and has a beautiful spirit.

@ yankee00

I never inferred any such thing that my wife and I were somehow smarter than anybody else or that other people were inept. I knew her for years before and after the time we were married and struggled we with the issue the way most people do. Average people and surely more inept at all things than you would be of course.

I will say that in my experience with dating and also marrying American women they can be much more frivolous and fickle about men's feelings in general. IN the US guys are used to this but Chinese men probably are not. How many American women would continue dating an American guy who brings up marriage on the first or second date? Probably very few or none. They would find it creepy and pathetic. I am not saying it is, I am saying that is how American women would classify it. And yea, it is a bit creepy.

But does this guy know that this gal, Rachelc, has come onto a forum like this and is basically having a good time with his awkward situation, at his expense I feel. She basically here gossiping up about private issues she should be mature enough to deal with on her own or in a private conversation with somebody with some real life experience.

I would go far as to say she enjoys the discomfort she is causing the guy. If she has no intention of marrying the guy (and why would she) then go the same to him as she would do to any guy back the US: drop him and move on and quit toying around with him and making fun of him here at this low brow forum where the debate about Burger King is still going on.

As I said before: the guy really wants to marry you and have a baby with you. Forget the fashion and fad stuff. That is what he wants and as time goes on the issue will get more and more not less and less. Ad then we will all have to sit and read the details of that state of affairs as well and how dismal that will be. Give the guy a break: dump him and let him get on with his life and let him try to find a Chinese girl to marry and meet his family and social obligations.

@ Spartans

"Don't break his heart, tell him the truth, that marriage hasn't crossed your mind yet ." Absolutely. But she won't because then the game will end and what fun is that. Look at the message where she goes on with chat like ".. and then I was like... and he was like..." Good lord. I agree with zhuloaye. Show the guy some mercy and let it go. You will never, ever marry the guy and he will believe marriage is a possibility as long as the two of your are going out. God, I hope they have not had sex.

@ zhulaoye U make the assumption that Rachelc is having fun at this man's expense. U have no evidence and so no right to do that. Its nasty.

@Daithi

Chivalry rears its ugly head does it. Rachelc on this page makes this remark "...And it was really funny, he tried to like shrug it off, and I was like no really though, and he was like, okay, my mom wants me to get married this year. I was like HA! I knew it had to be something like that."

Why doesn't she share this with the guy in question then if there is no harm intended, or that she does not find his awkward situation amusing and comical to herself. Basically she has created a forum thread to draw attention to herself and create a circle of people, like you, who want to soothe her and support her. She has a blog. You can find the link at a thread started by Ocean. It is one of those "all about me" blogs and I feel that for her dating a Chinese guy comes come to the same thing as trying some of the local food. What an exciting thing for ME to experience. That is fine. I am not innocent or guilt free. But I never felt the need to come onto a forum and childlishly post about my mistakes in life with guiltless relish. "Oh you guys, it is so weird, I am dating this Chinese guy and it is so different and let me tell you, he is just a big mama's boy and he is so desperate to marry lil' ol' ME ME ME (and what man wouldn't be) and I just want to tell you all the details as they happen right here!"

The evidence is that this thread exists at all. If people need advice on how to get married in China, okay. the pros and cons of raising kids in China. Ok. What is a marriage certificate and how to get one. Ok. But to just come here and a white girl with a little "yellow fever" and then go on and on like your texting notes to your girlfriend in high school is a bit immature to say the least.

I will ask the lady directly:

If you were dating an American guy and

1) on the first or second date brought up marriage as part of the future plans, and then...

2) told you the reason he brought it up because his mom wants him to get hitched ASAP

would you

1) continue seeing the guy? Or would you instead

2) break it off and tell your friends and social networking contacts what a creepo you went out with?

I think you would do #2 and I think you are here to make fun of the guy now and get some laughs going at the expense of the "mama's boy". Of course you will deny this and your fan club, with Daithi (since yu guys have a little forum "thing" going and you think because she sent you a "HA" you might get lucky yourself but you never will) as the president it seems, will rally behind you, probably thinking that they may one day have a date from hell with you themselves.

This is a more open dating scene in Beijing and Shanghai, but basically the people here in KM are of a more simple nature and mind set. You shouldn't be here sharing details of your dating problems in such a frivolous fashion. Let you BF open and account here and share his side of the story after he has read your posts. Then I will retract my position, but until then it is all fun and games at the simple Chinese guy's expense. Check back here soon for more humor and chuckles. Here is her reply to Lautou: "...But I think the main thing is like, communication. Lautou I think you are right that this subject could be really interesting to explore with a romantic partner...that is if I could settle down long enough to quit giggling and have a serious conversation...!"

Yup. This type of female would never make a forum thread detailing the issues of their romantic life at the expense of man they are dating. And this only after a date or two.

Just drop the guy since that is inevitable. Simple family oriented Chinese people do not understand these type of games. It would be totally humiliating for a Chinese man to know these details of his dates with a "superior" western girl are on a goofy forum and she is mocking him and his plans and dreams. Go to a meat market club in Beijing or Shanghai where they do play those types of games and where you will be rubbing shoulders with the same types of "antelopes".

@ zhulaoye Next u make assumptions about me wrt chivalry. I am not saying ur attitude in making dark and negative assumptions is nasty because Rachelc is a girl. I would think ur attitude was nasty if the op was a man just the same. I looked thru ur previous posts and they were a litany of the same sort of dark, negative, often contradictory observations. So I wasnt surprised.

The quote u give is where Rachelc is desribing a particular personal conversation she had with the man so its important not to take it out of context. I see it as a lighthearted cajoling by her of a man who was not keen on revealing his feelings directly. This manner of interacting with someone does not mean u are mocking them or putting them down or having fun at their expense. it is a gentle fun way of interacting. Its a great pity u have reached the age of 55 without being able to understand that. When I read Rachelc's description of her friend I see her say things like "who was really cool and nice' and "I really like this guy'. She is not negative about the guy but rather wondering about the cultural aspects of their thing.

U say "Why doesn't she share this with the guy in question then if there is no harm intended, or that she does not find his awkward situation amusing and comical to herself" Well to me it is not at all odd to want to know what other people think about a social situation. And an anonymous social forum is specifically designed for that. Cool....good for her. U slight this forum often calling it "goofy" and "low brow" yet u post at length and often. I would much rather enjoy Rachelc's interesting and lighthearted conversation then urs.

U talk about "all about me blogs". Most blogs are personal. Thats the idea. And if Rachelc wants to spread her wings and date from different cultures and countries well I admire her openmindedness. U comparing it to sampling different cuisines is a shallow assumption. Why u feel free to make so many nasty assumption about other people is beyond me. Its destructive. To others and indeed to urself.

Lol at ur talk of "fanclub" and "little circles" :) I have exchanged words with Rachelc a couple of times here and in fact dont even live in Kunming......nor Yunnan for that matter. So ur energetic and nasty and ridiculous effort to mock our interaction is sad. It seems that normal social intercourse is not ur strong suit. Not much fun at parties huh?

No I don't go to parties. I find them boring and tiring. All those phony people "spreading their wings" and who knows what else. But nice chatting with you. Seems you took an interest in me and researched me and my previous posts. I am flattered. I am not interested enough in you to return the favor though okay? And lets hope she still names that baby after you after all is said and done. So cute, you two. Sigh. All your gentle and fun interacting. Wish I could do some social interacting on that level but I am just a nasty assumer. Guess I am destined to be a stick in the mud forever. And you may not live in KM but you do have some hope of some sort of social intercourse with our mutual girl. Maybe not the purely social type but who knows. In the meantime you will have to settle for those vapid little rushed from your cutey publish exchanges here. Go get her tiger :)