dang...that was WAY too verbose...and opinionated...I tried to edit out the US politics stuff...but alas...

religion.

laotou, while no-one can deny that China suffered at the hands of foreign powers, I'd be interested in your view as to why not one Indian that I've met is as hung up on its past humiliation ("guochi" if you must) as the Chinese people I have met? India was completely colonised, China was not.

Furthermore, can I ask why on earth you would teach your children a "philosophy of hatred" of any kind?! Hatred only breeds hatred. Even the most liberal of the Chinese youth that I have met still say that Japanese people are 'bad in their hearts' or other such similar nonsense. How is the government to be applauded for teaching (for indeed they do) such hatred to the young? In what way does this benefit ANYONE going forward?

Final thing, if you like people from these countries as individuals, surely it is only an elementary logical step to the next, entirely obvious conclusion - that the 'country' IS the people, and so if you like the people, how can you hate the country? You can certainly hold contempt for, for example, the Japanese wartime administration or the Nazi party, but to label a country on this basis either shows a lack of intellect or willful self-deceit.

Cultural relativism has its place, but that is not in apologising for deliberate, manipulative hatred.

The point here is some people never learn how to tolerate other peoples cultures and ideas .Yes its fact that a huge number of local citizens look at foreigners by doubtful eyes and i faced this situations many times and in many places in China .All the time people asked weather i am Russian come to play local girls!! .I am not Russian at all neither i am interested in playing anyone .Many occasions i have been asked to pay more for many services and costs just because i am foreigner.some friends "girls" have a strict warning from their families about making friendship with me and the only reason that i am foreigner .I used to that and i love to stay here and i think these things can be overcome by time.

Coming back closer to the initial question.

I agree that vocabulary limitation might explain the use of such a strong word and thus might not reflect the more subtle nuance of the feeling.

Dad of 3, I don't know your level in Chinese, but my experience (as a very poor Chinese speaker) is that poor command of the Chinese level somehow offend the locals, especially if you are settled here (a kind of indirect disrespect to the country and their culture). There is a general assumption amongst the chinese I meet that after 2-3 years any foreigners should be able to hold their own in a conversation. That could explain the differential sentiment towards your kids and your wife and yourself.

From various comments around me I also pick-up on the ambiguous attitude. On one hand Chinese people assumes that foreigners think of themselves above the chinese, bordering on arrogant, on the other hand the desire for a certain idea of western affluence is a very high motivation in people personal and professional choices. I think this is central to the chinese general attitude to foreigners and also help understand how "they" can "hate" foreigners in general and like some of us in particular.

We all have to remember that, with the exception of the 1980's, China has been mostly closed to foreign cultural interaction for most part of the last 60 years, only really rediscovering a world outside Asia in the last 10-15 years. This is the a long cultural road that will need to be traveled with the background of a governing elite that is very wary of the effect of outside cultural influence.

rpw
1. I don't teach them to hate - I teach them to be cautious with ALL people and regularly admonish them about the worst kinds of things people can do or be and how to recognize the signs - a curse from a college-level psychology course and a long history of employment with typical US corporations. The world is not a nice place - regardless of whether you live in the USA (or the cesspool of the USA - Los Angeles) or anywhere in China. My philosophy for MY children is they must be taught to be conscious and aware of their environment, not talk to strangers, etc. This is preparation for existence in the business or commercial environment in China and other countries - which is also not a very nice environment.

They see and hear things at school, tv, movies, etc and wonder about other races - they know they're US Citizens - but they have no clue what that means since I've never really taken them "back home"...and not in any great rush.

I teach my children there is no right and there is no wrong. Instead of labeling - try to understand the motives and then decide the relative value. Bad people can do seemingly good deeds (drug and crime lords are very philanthropic to their own neighborhoods) while good people can do seemingly bad things (parents disciplining their children). So I teach my children to look beyond the superficial and look deeper to understand and eventually predict the motive...and I constant ridicule the rubbish on television - be it Chinese soaps and serials or the rare foreign movie.

2. Expats are not normal or eccentric by any standard. That doesn't make expats good or bad - but they're NOT really a representative cross section of a culture.

3. The Chinese government doesn't teach hatred - but it's an unavoidable and undesirable side effect of nationalism and the government DEFINITELY encourages patriotism and nationalism - this has always been "the way" of conventional Chinese culture. As mentioned earlier - take a short look at the comments on any Yahoo US news feed. These people are somewhat educated, computer savvy - and for the most part full of hatred. I don't teach my children to love or hate - but to be aware and learn how to use each emotion - but they themselves must learn to control their emotions. This is taught to most Chinese - everyone has a family face, a school face, a work face, etc.

4. From a business perspective - each nation or culture negotiates based on its complex culture. Based on my corporate multi-cultural experiences - I prepare my children for how to survive at the executive level in today's multinational corporate world and point out key aspects of various cultures as representative of both government and executive decision making philosophies - and hope they choose a different career path - one not so littered with evil people. Out of necessity - I look for the potential evil in people and companies - risk management.

My children are recognized as US citizens at school despite the fact they attend local schools and are native speakers. They also occasionally experience discrimination, bullying, etc and must learn to overcome these social evils.

Some people are blessed with euphoric lives - I'm not so naive and don't want my children to learn these disappointing lessons the hard way - if possible. So I just tell them the truth - from my perspective.

While India and China share equally long histories, Chinese are culturally distinct and generally aggressive as a race. I hesitate to bring up the Confucian edict but it does have a long history of influence in the area of patriotism and nationalism. India is essentially a caste society - under Hinduism, they are used to domestic oppression - so replacing the Brahmins with the British didn't particularly affect the living standards of the majority of the lower castes - merely replaced one caste with another.

I've only worked with Indians from three different castes, including a warrior caste - so am not really qualified to guess on behalf of that extremely complicated culture.

So, yes - the world might be a nicer place if we were all friends - but I'm not interested in heroism in my personal life - I'm interested in the safety, health, happiness, and prosperity of my children. They can choose to be philanthropic or not when they've made their own fortunes.

Again, thanks to all for the insightful commentary. Just a bit of clarification. My Chinese level is around upper intermediate and my children are not too far behind me. The conversation was in Chinese, so the word used was hen4. Also, after talking with my wife I realized I needed to get my facts straight. The comment was directed toward my children, not my wife and I. My son and daughter quoted their 4 year old playmate as saying, "My Mom hates you because you are foreigners [wo3 ma1ma hen4 ni3men. yin1wei4 ni3men shi4 wai4guo2ren2]."

We also had another interesting comment from a neighborhood girl who often comes over to play. She entreated us, "When China becomes strong, would you Americans please stop bullying us? [wo3men zhong1guo2 qiang3da4 yi3hou4, qing3 ni3men mei3guo2ren2 bie2 qi1fu wo3men, hao3 bu4 hao3?]?"

We have had plenty of interactions with overwhelmingly warm and kind people here. They seem more concerned with us looking down on them than they seem interested in judging us.

At the same time, another portion of people remain distant in a shared context (like a meal arranged by mutual friends), even when it becomes obvious we can communicate and are reasonably aware of etiquette.

As an adolescent (and probably before), I received somewhat unhealthy patriotic messages from my surrounding culture. Some of these were even nurtured in a religious context (which was also confusing - was I pledging allegiance to a deity or a country or both!).

As an adult, I am grateful to friends with differing viewpoints who have educated me on their particular perspectives (even political, ethnic, or religious ones). I hope to be this kind of positive resource for others, but only if they are curious, I suppose :)

Dad-of-3？！You only have 2 children: a daughter and a son. Rofl.

BTW. There is an expat who are really naive, immature.

Liwei .we are not about to count who is mature or who is immature ! we just try to discuss an important topic .How to develop people with good manners and forgiveness how to make China great in all people opinions.How to increase respect and love in people hearts toward each others .I my self i know some foreigners who devoted their blood in Kunming several times at the same time i know some local who never done!!

calm down,