Is there a street in Kunming that has a lot of E bike stores?

Can anyone name the more reliable brands? Thanks.

We don't know that he doesn't have a job. Job wanted ads means nothing. I always have a job and am always applying for more jobs, or seeing if I can do more work on the side. Also, even if he doesn't have a job we have no idea if that is really the issue, as he might still be working on something else for the future, or simply returning from a break.

Anyway, good luck to you SWG, don't let it turn you against Chinese folks, (or any other folks), and seems Kunmingtiger's story is worth keeping on file.

Lylian thanks to you 2.
As to culture difference within China, we both agree on it, and we both pointed it out-but we come to very different conclusions.

Chinese are not all the same, and the the opposite is also true. One reason my Chinese friends are close friends with me rather than with their parents' friends or with their co-workers, is that OUR "culture" is more similar. So that is why I am saying it is very weak to just blame everything on culture.

When I said that not everything that is normal in China is acceptable in CHINA, I MEANT SPECIFICALLY NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR CHINESE PEOPLE. This is true in many places-not just China, what people live with can still hurt them, make them unhappy, and make them regret or complain, no matter how common it is.

I disagree that Chinese people are influenced by Taoism, or Buddhism any more. I think, there are other things.

Though if we want to name isms, I would suggest Confucianism (the big one), Stalinism, and western popular commercial culture are the lucky combination. In any case, maybe that is a bit too off topic.

The idea you mention of changing your concept, then you can accept everything, is a mystical idea-, useful at certain times for the individual's view of life. To bring it out as a general guide, to be used in any old context (even for social problems), is to abuse it. And with potentially terrible consequences. That kind of platitude is exactly the kind of hidden cynicism I was thinking of-if we don't like injustice, we should just try another pair of glasses. That is inappropriate, don't you think so? And the issue here with blame, is not to pursue it. Instead it is not to let blame be avoided at all costs( in the cynical sense of denying a truth) that I pointed to above. Not to let blame be avoided to preserve a false harmony.

And do you understand that the boy is Swedish, they lived in Sweden before, and now the family wants them to go live in a Sweden again for 5 years according to the Chinese family's plan? We
would have to say "When in Sweden do as the Chinese in-laws want you to do, live there without your son" (:

So that is why I don't think 'when in Rome fits' or the "'Chinese verses western' thing fits. Yes this version of craziness is a Chinese one, but its not the Chinese-ness of it that is important. People who are also Chinese have already looked at this thread and said they think the in-laws way of doing things is not good.

@Lylian,

Did you see Encrypted's post above?

It shows that there is no uniform, basic culture difference between Europeans and Chinese.
Instead there is a series of possible differences which may or not be there. In other words, the culture difference is also between the Chinese and the Chinese, as much as anything.

Second, most of what we're calling a culture difference is actually just economic or political. The proverb "When you marry a Chinese..." could be replaced with "when you marry an Indian, An Algerian, an Afghan, a Brazilian' etc.

Actually I think calling problems culture difference is not very useful and clouds what is happening. Sure, people are different in different places, thats normal, but these arguments happen within China also, and don't forget that all this so-called Chinese family culture is exactly how many western families were up until 50 or 60 years ago, especially in religious families.

I think that while your advice is obviously well intentioned, it sounds like you think it is useful to frame it (at worst)- an international disagreement, (at best)-as a culture difference, so that no one is blamed. Then you end up basically saying that the Swedish guy should accept the situation, because if we don't like things, we should accept them, since we cant change them. I know this is common reasoning here at the moment, but it is dismal and defeatist. I have heard it a lot recently, and I think it is cynicism dressed up as cliched platitudes.

1) These people are spouses and friends, not representatives of countries.

2) The problem involves responsibility and avoiding blame may mean avoiding responsibility and therefore a clear picture of what is happening.

3) Much of what is normal in China is not acceptable in China.

4) Why is Swedishguy obliged to conform to his wife's family but she doesn't need to join his Swedish family? Seems they live in both countries, and her family wants them to go to Sweden, but on their terms.

5) Why should he see this as just some problem to navigate around, as an issue of personal adaptation? The problem is also a group of fully alive people, they are not a force of nature, not a situation, they are other actors who have stakes in this-in other words they are not a problem to adapt to, they are people who can be talked to and called into question.

My Dear Abby response;

I am not sure of the legal guidelines, it may end up being possible for your wife to prove to the local authorities that you are married and to try to divorce you here, then sue for custody etc. Perhaps not.
But the boy's citizenship thing would probably get in the way.

Still, I would get out now and get back to Sweden with the kid.

It sounds horrible, but maybe the question to ask is:
Do you want to be married to a wife who puts all 3 of you first-and the relatives second?

Or, do you want to be married to a wife who puts your "in laws" first?

I would then, from Sweden, ask her to join you and the boy in Sweden later. She doesn't need quick citizenship to live a good life there right? She just needs residence papers, work permit, and to learn Swedish so she can work. Sure the racism may be bad, but so it is in most places-including apparently here, against you- If you guys have any hope of a future together, you can face that challenge together and get her proper moral support, choose anti-racist friends etc. I

That way, you are asking her to make a family with you, to make that the center of her life, and to divorce her parents a bit, and break their hold on her. If she can't bring herself to do it, well then you know who she really is, and sadly, what you must do next.