I'm at somewhat of a loss at everything on this thread. We have lived in Kunming for four years. I am a "middle-aged" (74 years old) white American. My experiences differs from many reporting here. Sure, I get "stared at" - - I am different from 99% of the folks on the street. When someone looks at me, I look back straight into their eyes. Many will then turn away. If not, I nod my head and politely say "Ni Hao" I usually get a smile and a return "Ni Hao"

I have rarely encountered rude remarks. The few times this has happened, I would either say, "Wo bu shi LaoWai - wo shi Jung Guo ren" and smile widely at them. If I thought they were "really rude," I would say, "Wo bu shi Lao Wai - - wo shi 'Yang Gui Zi' (Foreign Devil) and do my best to put a scowl on my face.

A little humor has gone a long way.

Cheers - - JJ

People do stare, and some people will say hi to you (generally when they are in a big group and feel confident). They'll usually say it in passing by so I don't even have time to respond. I don't think it's anything to be angry about, I've never had it in spite. I did have a guy come up to me in a bar yesterday telling me how his girlfriend is so much hotter than I could ever get (she wasn't hot). You just gotta ignore them people and brush it off. There are dicks everywhere, don't pay attention to them and they'll get bored. Be respectful to everyone you meet, because from personal experience, people that have had bad experiences with a particular race, will have some kind of hatred towards the race, rather than the person. So foreigners in China losing their tempers really affects us all. I don't want to be part of a race hate murder :(.

Anyway. I've had countless more people come up to me in friendly ways.

I have come to the conclusion that most of the people who don't mind or think it is not negative are basically travelers. Mentally or in reality, travelers. They don't expect any kind of integration or acceptance and wouldn't think to settle down, their best friends in this world are not Chinese. If they don't meet any serious problems, that is enough for them. That is all they are expecting, as they feel they are not at "home".

Anyone who thinks laowai is a respectful term is drinking the kool aid, but the point is not in being referred to as laowai, it is in being named it. Having been the "Paki" in various racist situations in the west, having witnessed race riots in the west, and having been surrounded by an angry xenophobic mob in Kunming because a taxi hit my bike, I think of these things as linked, not as contrasting. I have no idea what a wettie is.

Not sure why people are unhappy to see criticized something that they would criticize in many other places, which is people just doing unto others what they wouldn't want done to them-even if without evil intent.

Anyway, people can speak for themselves. I for one have had lots of close calls with people who liked to stare and shout stuff at me, and were angered when I didn't keep moving but instead went and asked them what I could do for them.

I understand your point Aaron, but you are in fact being a wettie (it means like a bit of a pussy). It doesn't matter where you live, if you stick out like a sore thumb you'll get looked at. And when you said your neighbours stare at you, have you ever considered it is because you are their neighbours and have never attempted to make conversation with them. They probably think you're weird.

I live in the sticks in England and if you see an Asian person you might think it's interesting and perhaps strike up a conversation with them because they are different. Not because you hate them.

On the other hand, yes, there are racists. Everywhere. But you can't go moping around depressed and angry when you encounter one the rest of your life. Be optimistic! The way people notice foreigners in China, for the majority, is in a good light, they think it's exciting.

You can't expect a culture of reclusiveness for hundreds of years to suddenly find it normal to see someone from the other side of the world walking around their front porch.

@aaronb, let me start off by saying that I'm engaging in an intellectual, rational argument and not resorting to personal attacks, although sometimes that doesn't come across well in an heated exchange. I also appreciate your well-put responses. Having said that, with all due respect, here's my response to your previous post.

1. Please define "a lot". As my band teacher used to say, if everyone makes only one mistake during the piece, well that's 1x60 so that's a lot of mistakes for the audience to hear. If each person only stare once, times that by 7 million people in Kunming, that's a lot of stares for you to receive but not really a lot coming from one individual.

2. There are 7 million residents living in the Kunming Metro area, believe me, most have NOT seen a foreigner in real person before, to them it's still a novelty. The residents of Wenlin jie and Wenhua Xiang is not a good representation of you typical Kunming resident.

3. I disagree. Granted, moving targets are hard to spot but once spotted people do stare. Obviously you weren't here when there was a commotion about the cross-dressing homeless man in Kunming minding his own business pickup up recyclables just like any other homeless man. He didn't stop to make a scene but nonetheless he was the talk of the town and even made the papers.

4. You might not stare at a naked green man after a while but I assure you, that naked green man will get stares every time he ventures out. While you might not feel the analogy is apt, you my friend, is that naked green man equivalent every time you step out onto the streets of Kunming. If you don't like the naked green man analogy, perhaps a panda will suit you better, or any other thing that you don't normally encounter on a daily basis.

Also, Really? Your neighbors still stare at you after a year? I don't believe there's too many expats here that have that issue. You are saying that the same guy, having seen you go in and out of your complex everyday for a year still stare at you simply because you are a foreigner?

5. I don't understand this point. Are you suggesting that the locals should act like the people from your home country? Shouldn't it be assumed that when you travel to a foreign country it is you that must adapt to its ways rather than expecting everyone to bend towards you?

6. I'm not saying you don't have a right to complaint but do understand that your complaint in a open forum will illicit response agreeing or disagreeing with your complaint. However, my original irritant was with the fact that the OP was worried about something that hasn't occurred yet and something in which he can't mitigate anyway. While it wasn't the best of tone, in my original post I was merely making a commentary, a complaint if you will, about how people want to come to China but are fearful of the some of the pitfalls that comes with the territory. You can't have it both ways. Had he or she been complaining about the stares he or she has been receiving in Kunming, I wouldn't have responded.

In your first response that addressed me, you said my attitude is part of the problem. I do take offense to that statement and hence why I bother to post a response addressed to you.

Please explain how my attitude of taking things in stride is part of the problem. What should my attitude be for me to be part of the solution?

Eagerly awaiting you response.

Respectfully yours,

Cheers~

To inquire about or be annoyed by others staring could possibly infer that one is NOT accustomed to this behavior. People who travel often are not concerned by this behavior because they have encountered staring before and understand and accept this type of behavior. Also, people of color encounter staring all the time.

I get stared at, but that's generally because they're trying to figure out why someone who looks as young and healthy as I do uses a cane.

@aaronb
You say "I have come to the conclusion that most of the people who don't mind or think it is not negative are basically travelers. Mentally or in reality, travelers. They don't expect any kind of integration or acceptance and wouldn't think to settle down, their best friends in this world are not Chinese. If they don't meet any serious problems, that is enough for them. That is all they are expecting, as they feel they are not at "home".

I certainly do not fit into that category, and I am certain that I am not alone.

I like every other foreigner I know, when through Culture Shock.

One recognized phase is the Angry Phase. During this phase I perceived many innocent acts by Chinese, that I did not understand, as hostile acts. I am also a territorial person (territory includes job, roles, more than mere space) psychologically, and saw even looking at me as an incursion. China is so different that I still have angry days after nearly 10 years. For me, recognising my role in all of these problems has helped.

I had a friend in Shanghai who would get into arguments everyday, at fights about once a month. The common factor was him. He is no longer a friend, as he became a liability. He is now more isolated than ever and the common factor is once again him, or his behaviour at the least.

I am in fear of our friend Aaronb. I have not hear from him in many weeks nor has he responded to any of my messages.

Maybe he has fully integrated into the Kunming community and no longer consider himself a foreigner and thus feels no need to visit gokunming any longer.

Please Aaron, come back let us know you are ok!

;)

Cheers~