does anyone know which buses go from the north to the long distance bus station that goes to dali? Is that the west or the north long distance station?

You need to go to 西部客运站.

It is difficult to answer your question as I do not know what 'the north' is, but you can find the quickest connections on www.kmbus.com.cn/

This link will give you all the busses passing the western bus terminal, pick the one closest to your home: www.kmbus.com.cn/[...]

Anning (closest to you I guess) has buses that go direct to Dali otherwise you need to go to the kunming south bus station to get one.