But if you guys are married (according to Swedish law) doesn't she become a Swedish citizen then (like if you live in Sweden and all)?

How come her university diploma isn't recognised? :/ But I don't think the new tuition fees include immigrants going to SFI.

Nope, she still has to wait for three years before she is a "real" Swedish citizen. SFI is free but you can't get any funding during your SFI studies anymore, it used to be a bit more relaxed before if you were married and had children with a Swedish citizen, not anymore though.

Her University diploma is one step lower than BA (kandidat) and is only recognized in Australia, Great Britain etc. Don't know what it's called in English.

TheSwedishGuy- Bra att veta. I will have it in mind if I ever find a Chinese guy that I could consider marrying :) (However I don't know how likely that is... My idea of what my future husband is to be like doesn't match well with the typical Chinese bai ma wangzi)

TSG
Sounds like you have a problem with your wife, then the family. If a woman tells me to give up our son so we can "have fun" - I'm wondering what kind of person I married - lacking in compassion for your own child is not a good sign and bodes ill for the future.

Sounds like you're the money bag for this family and they're currently the money pit. As you're the bread winner - I suggest you take charge of your family - quite being polite and rule like a huangdi - my way or the highway, depending on who's house your living in.

Don't be afraid to call the police if the house or apartment is yours (owned) or a rental. You pay the bills - be utterly ruthless in tossing out your in-laws AND your wife if necessary. Don't know how old your son is - but assume he's still a toddler - however the home environment you've described does NOT set a good example to any child. He should be learning characters, poems, listening to stories, taking walks - keeping his mind active and eyes full of things. A live-in Ayi in Kunming will run anywhere from ¥800-2k depending on her experience. In Kunming I tend to pick younger ayi's (not for lascivious reasons) as they haven't learned all the tricks to stealing the home budget yet - but they pick up fast. Expect to trash an ayi every week until you find a keeper. Keeper means 3-6 months - unless you're extremely fortunate. Also - NO visitors to the home - your family (assuming you've kicked them out already) will try many tricks - try moving and not leaving a forwarding address if you have the funds - otherwise - be careful about kidnapping.

And don't take shit from anyone - if your "uncle" is derogatory - just tell him bluntly - the name he called you is offensive - he can either apologize or leave. If the family tries to interrupt - they can leave too - or you can leave with your son - call the police in case of ANY physical attempt to interfere with you - I doubt you're the seriously violent type so better to use the police.

Again - now that your son is involved - be ruthless in protecting him, nurturing him, and cultivating him. You're either IN the family or OUT of the family - there's no in-between. Be consistent, ruthless, and weigh your decisions carefully - and make no decisions in anger - be cold, calculating, meticulous - plan and execute - never look back.

A small problem at the beginning of your lives can turn into incredible ugliness, left unchecked. I know this sounds sexist - but that really has nothing to do with the situation - this is pure management of your personal life. Although we don't have your wife's side of the story, to be fair - playing majong all day (aka gambling, slacking off, lazy) is the equivalent of watching television (except majong keeps the mind a little sharper).

WIFE'S DIPLOMA
It's probably a 2-3 year degree - these are considered Junior College or Associate of Arts (AA) degrees in the USA. They are preliminary to accredited 4 year degrees (BA/BS). With a AA and the appropriate college entrance scores - one can usually graduate from a 4 year university in 2 years - this is a trick to significantly reduce the cost of a 4 year degree as Junior Colleges used to be a LOT cheaper than universities.

It's always heartbreaking to hear of any family headed towards a breakup - so hope whatever actions you take will create a sustainable harmonious environment for your son to grow with minimal emotional damage.

One last comment/warning - beware your son's genetic heritage - the things inherent in your wife's family may be passed to your son (laziness, gambling, selfishness) - you'll have to deal with these things and curb them - so plan ahead - control the situation and the environment. You KNOW he'll manifest these things so create situations and lessons to teach him responsibility, self-discipline, and balance selfishness with social responsibility.

Best wishes - feel free to PM me - I spent the last 5 years all over China as a single parent of TWO children and have seen more evil than good, both in China and abroad - but better here than elsewhere.

Experience comes from making both good AND bad decisions - I'm experienced - but what works for me is just my situation - your situation is obviously different - but you may find it amusing - and I see you are learning the art (dao) of being tao yuan (annoying). It is truly a marvelous skill - helps keep one sane in a world of extremely annoying pests.

ALARM BELLS are now RINGING for me.
You have given a number of facts that can be re-ordered and create red flags.
Let me just pick on two.

- Your wife wants a divorce.

- Your wife's family wants adoption (custody) of the baby.

I guess these could happen in reverse order.
I am not saying this is the case, but keep it in mind.

I have a Canadian friend in Shanghai. His wife's family openly said (their bigoted opinion not mine) that a Chinese only marries a foreigner for two things. Big money job or green card, and he had provided neither (he teaches). As such the daughter needed to choose between him and her family.

My Dear Abby response;

I am not sure of the legal guidelines, it may end up being possible for your wife to prove to the local authorities that you are married and to try to divorce you here, then sue for custody etc. Perhaps not.
But the boy's citizenship thing would probably get in the way.

Still, I would get out now and get back to Sweden with the kid.

It sounds horrible, but maybe the question to ask is:
Do you want to be married to a wife who puts all 3 of you first-and the relatives second?

Or, do you want to be married to a wife who puts your "in laws" first?

I would then, from Sweden, ask her to join you and the boy in Sweden later. She doesn't need quick citizenship to live a good life there right? She just needs residence papers, work permit, and to learn Swedish so she can work. Sure the racism may be bad, but so it is in most places-including apparently here, against you- If you guys have any hope of a future together, you can face that challenge together and get her proper moral support, choose anti-racist friends etc. I

That way, you are asking her to make a family with you, to make that the center of her life, and to divorce her parents a bit, and break their hold on her. If she can't bring herself to do it, well then you know who she really is, and sadly, what you must do next.

I have a few questions, Swedish Guy. First off I feel terribly bad for you, and I can almost relate to your problem. By almost, I mean like .05 percent.

1. Your wife's behavior seems incredible. Could you ever have expected something like this from her? Did she change drastically after your marriage or your son's birth? What happened?

2. Sounds like the relationship with your in-laws (and wife?) has been antagonistic for some time ("the only reason I had my child in Sweden was to fuck them over..."). I apologize if this question is too personal, but I wonder when and why things turned so bad. And if it was always like this, why on earth did you marry this woman?

3. In your original post you wrote that your wife's family wants you to work instead of taking care of your son. Can't you do both? Have a day job in Kunming and do all the dad stuff after work? Tell them the economy sucks in Sweden (let's just say it does), and you can make money here. Or does your wife's family expect you to work eighty hours a week?

For what it's worth, reading your post really put my in-law issues in perspective. My in-laws are saintly in comparison. Next time I see them, I'm going to be extra nice to my ba and ma. Maybe not hug them, but bring a fruit basket or something.

Due to child trafficking and custody laws, it can be a big problem to travel internationally, alone with a child, without a release from the non traveling parent. This needs to be officially translated and notarized and should be in English and Chinese as well as the language of the countries that you want to travel to. You may have an easier time if your child is blond and blue eyed,unlikely due to genetics,but possible. My wife and I,traveling as a couple with our 17 year old son, have had to provide proof of kinship,here inside China, when traveling near (not over) the borders.We have to provide a officially translated and notarized statement from his biological father to take him out of the country.

Raising a child costs a lot of money in China even if in the smaller city like Kunming. I suggest that you take your son back to Swedent if you don't have a well-paying job in China.

I think a lot of guys get caught up in the mystic and beauty of the Asian women. Maybe at first everything seemed fresh and new and interesting because of the differences in culture. After a while everything comes to light. What is the true motivation of a woman or man is clouded many times by what we want to see at first. Love is blind. I hope everything works out for you. Sometimes things just don't work out even if we try. The best thing is to get out and not let years and years pass by and have regrets saying " I should've, could've or would've". "It is better to have love than to not have loved at all". As a previous poster said, your primary concern should be your innocent child. Best wishes for your future.