My gf says that in China girlfriends never share rental costs, which may be true. From my upbringing of 'women and men should be equal', this seems a bit old fashioned/ silly, especially if the woman has a decent income. If I was a girl, I wouldn't want to be dependent on my bf. Also, from a quality point of view you can get a better place if you pool resources to make a bigger rental budget.
What are the arguments for the man paying it all (other than it being the norm)?
Does it change after marriage or if you are paying a mortgage? If your girlfriend is not Chinese, I want to hear from you too!
Shared responsibility. If it isn't breakup NOW! Unless you are a man of means and don't mind, that's a different story. In my opinion this has to be established early in the relationship. You should have 3 bank accounts. Yours, Hers and a together account. The together account is where the rent, mortgage, water, and any other mutual things should be put in. My wife and I share in the expenses in this way.
She is lying, major red flag. My wife and I share things, and do things equally. Of course it does not add up to 50.50 but we dont bother with that. She pays her part I pay mine. If there is a defense against paying for something bail now. I cannot stress on how important it is for equality in man and woman.
My wife doesn't work (at work - but she slaves at home). I give her ALL my salary and she gives me an allowance, plus extra cash (she asks me if I have enough), when necessary. She's a treasure (just to balance out the not happy stories).
Life is comfortable, because I have no home worries about our financial management - whoohoo!
Seems a repeat of the - Dont Marry a Chinese Woman post. All these questions should be openly discussed with your partner. I don't think it matters what other people on this forum do, what matters is what you and your partner agree to after discussing this and other family issues.
Interesting. I wonder if Chinese men ever have these kinds of conversations?
My gf isn't a 'men should pay for everything' girl (she pays the other bills and she says she will contribute to rent when she has the money), she just says normally in China men pay for rent and that her parents generation for example wouldn't understand why a man would share this kind of expense.
Laotou I find your post particularly interesting - it seems that your wife controls the finances. Is that more of a traditional Chinese arrangement? I've heard and read that women often hold the purse strings in married couples here. Plus side for you is that you don't have to worry about it, but it requires complete trust.
Personally, I am never going to have my salary going anywhere except my own account. I earn that money, and want complete control over it.
That's why you have have your own account with your own money, to spend as you choose. She should have her own money as well.
Depends on particular situation and incomes. Generally, in China and elsewhere, men are paid more for the same work, so, on average, they should pay more on the rent. However, if the guy has the woman also doing all the housework, that should be figured in too. Or if, for example, one party didn't work for their money but inherited it or made most of it in terms of ridiculous profits etc.
Thing is, paying your own way is good for you in many ways - independence, self-respect etc. - even if it hurts a bit.
Average Chinese custom is that the man brings home the cash and the woman keeps track of it & handles most purchases. Position of women in society generally has gone down a bit since the re-introduction of capitalism.
Seems a bit odd to me that in the average household, the man makes most of the money then the women spends it. I have a friend who wanted to buy his wife a gift, but because all his money was pooled into their joint account, couldn't really buy it with his own money outright and risked accusations of wasting the family budget if he went ahead and bought something. Depressing eh? If you don't control your own money, your are a bit powerless to control your own life.
@Haali, I pretty much agree with you. However, if the woman is expected to take care of the house & kids, there's a practicality to it that empowers her somewhat in a situation and advantages the man (he doesn't have to worry about details he can't understand) where she cannot work outside the home (e.g., before modern times in China), so you can see how it became the major cultural practice.
